Category Archives: Essence of Woman

More praise for MX135!

Experimenting more and more with my pheromone arsenal. I have more To-Go sizes than full sizes, but whatever – full sizes are bloody expensive. If there was a full-size option for MX135, however… hmm…

In any case, the whole school is under CAPT testing, which means I – and the entire junior and senior classes – would, theoretically, get to sleep in. For two and a half hours. But Witek, AP art instructor, has advised me that I am to come in on time. So here I am, on time. But not drawing. No art comes from these fingertips at 7:30 in the morning.

For the past three days, I’ve been conducting a sort of experiment… without really realizing it. I found out MX135 comes in chocolatini scent, and originally I despised it – I thought it was too strong, and it takes about ten to twenty minutes to die down. For anyone else, this isn’t a long time, but for Jessmo, who is always on the move and sprays her pheros on while she’s on her way to or from all the ridiculous places she goes, it is a bit of a concern. I don’t like people telling me I smell strongly, which is why I have avoided perfume itself for all these years, with the exception of Victoria’s Secret’s Sexy For Her, which no one has ever complained about (except my father, who complains about everything and thus doesn’t count).

I remember wearing MX135 a while back, maybe a couple months ago. I thought it was coconut scented at the time. That’s the note my nose picked up, anyway. Three or four sprays, and dear god did I smell like a chocolate-coconut-whorehouse, at least in my opinion. It was so strong I smelled the stuff every time I turned my head. That was back when I sprayed it to the neck and wrists. I walked into a library-type area and instantly a boy who speaks very broken english, a transfer student from Peru, says, “Hey Jess. You smell so good!” and gives me a hug. I didn’t think much of it, and sat down across the table from him, but every minute or so he would interrupt whatever conversation was taking place to tell me how great I apparently smelled. Same boy said this to me in an english class several days later when I, once again, had just spritzed on some MX135.

On Tuesday night, before Brandon (close friend of mine) left to visit his brother somewhere in Texas, I figured I might as well call him up and do something with him as a seeing-him-off kind of gesture. As soon as he picked me up, with his sister’s boyfriend and friend in the backseat, said sister’s boyfriend (Patrick) blurts out, “What are you wearing?!” I was nervous, because I thought he was going to tell me I smelled bad and/or strongly, since I had just sprayed MX135 into my hair about four or five times, but he said “It smells really nice. What is it?” Of course, I lied through my teeth and told him it was lotion, and that I don’t wear perfume. Best thing I could think of to cover my ass on the spot, but he said a few more times during the car ride that he really liked it, and proceeded to flirt with me throughout the night.

Example time!

Brandon/myself dropped him and his friend off at a pool hall and picked up Nick, another close friend of ours. We went to Walmart, and as a memorable experience and successful attempt to make Brandon laugh, bought condoms, bean dip and hot wheels cars. (Yes, the cashier gave us the strangest look I think I have ever received.) Upon going back to the pool hall to see what Patrick and company were up to, Patrick said “So Brandon tells me you have a smoke-smelling fetish.” Of course, what Brandon actually said was that I like the smell of cigarette smoke, but Patrick lit a cigarette. I had mentioned earlier, in the car, that my boyfriend smokes the same kind of cigarettes as he does, so I thought that was a little odd. He went on to say, “If she didn’t have a boyfriend, she’d be all over us, man.” And every time I looked in his direction, he was smiling at me, always looking at me. It was odd, to say the least.

That’s the joy of pheromones for ya though. xD

On the car ride home, Patrick said, once again, that I smelled nice, and kept playing with my seat so it would fall down against him (he was sitting behind me). I contemplated pushing back really fast and hitting him hard where the sun don’t shine, but y’know, I’m nice, so I abstained. 😛

Tom had his nose in my hair all day yesterday, where I put another four sprays of MX135. He was trying to be real covert about it, kissing me on the top of my head (sprayed twice where devil horns would be, the other two times to the body of my hair) or leaning his head on my shoulder. I was about to push him off me, actually, because we were in public, once again in a library setting, and talking to the people across the table from us! But when I finally realized what was going on, it was because I heard him inhale pretty deeply before kissing my head.

Taken aback, and a little weirded out – I forgot I was wearing anything – I said “…did you just SNIFF me?” Of course, he responded, in true Sagittarius style, “Why yes, yes I did. You smell really good.” Honest and blunt indeed. Prettymuch had to pry ‘im off me.

Oh, worth mentioning – I wore two sprays of MX138 yesterday too, one to the face and one to the throat. I did this on Tuesday as well. All the liquid sunshine mixes seem to cause Tom’s hands to wander, so I don’t know if THAT has a factor in why he was all over me (I thought I looked absolutely disgusting yesterday, too)… today I’m wearing five or six sprays MX135 straight, only one of which to the neck, and I feel absolutely hideously bloated, so we’ll see if it was the MX135 after all when he comes to see me in a few hours. Thank you, by the way, Miss Menstrual Cycle, for this lovely bloated feeling. And thank you, O mighty throat of mine, for refusing to open for pills that I could take to ELIMINATE this bloated feeling. I do love myself ever so much.  😀

For those interested (which there probably aren’t a lot of you, if any) I gave myself a phero-MEGADOSE before going to see my Thomas last weekend. I intended on spending the night, so I loaded on the following…

5 sprays Spaceland to hair
4 sprays IS/A to hair/neck
4 sprays Instant Honesty to hair
1/3 of one EDGE gel packet to cleavage/wrists
5 drops EoW to neck/wrists.

I also did a ritual with my Caliph’s Beloved and White Light oils from TwilightAlchemyLab (which is fantastic and also highly recced, btw, but that’s a different story). I ended up slathering on a few more drops of EoW before leaving the house, and here’s what I reported on the pherotalk forums:

“I was a little nervous at first, because my punk is very affectionate, and he was across the room for the first half an hour or so! We were also in the process of making plans to go out to dinner. I asked him, innocently, to bring something over to me… Needless to say, we had to cancel said dinner plans.

Later on, he got up to check something out online while I stayed in bed to watch a movie. The same friends who attempted to make dinner plans had neglected to go out without us, so they brought up laser tag. Tom said he’d ask if I was up for it, came over to ask me, and once again, we had to cancel. It took quite a bit of insisting on my part to get him to even go back to the phone and TELL them we weren’t going to make it…”

Tom said to me, at one point, “Twice in one day? That’s a record.” Granted, it was our first time together, so anything at all was a record for us, but apparently he was stuck on the face that we’d gone at it twice in a couple hours. 😛

Here’s the next update I posted:

“I was thinking, just a moment ago, about reactions I might have seen in OTHER people, but the only other person around was his roommate. At about two in the morning, I sat up in bed and asked where said roommate was – I hadn’t seen him all night and was getting a bit concerned since he shares a room with my punk on the weekends. I was told not to worry about it, so I complied, and we fell asleep. I woke up early in the morning, though, and ventured down to the kitchen for something to drink. I find the roommate asleep on the couch in the parlor. Upon returning to the bedroom, I wake up my punk and ask him what’s going on. His response was rather shocking. Apparently, after our plans “fell through” TWICE last night, he gave his roommate a call and told him to sleep on the couch! Of course, probing further, I ask why, and I am met with round three of megadose-induced heaven.

Indeed. I woke him up the next morning for more. Thanks, Caliph’s Beloved! *grin*

He’s taking me out to dinner on Friday, sushi, which I’ve never had. He’s paying. Dear lord, an actual DATE? I posted on the pherotalk forums asking what they suggest I wear. Something romantic as opposed to raw sexuality would be nice, but coincidentally all the stuff I have is either “FUN!” or “SEX!” with a little IH thrown in for good measure. Oh well. Those ladies know what they’re doing, and I’m sure we’ll come to an agreement before tomorrow night.

I might spending the night with Tom tomorrow as well, but since my darling period is present, I might as well load on the fun!pheros. I mean, it’s incredibly light today (not that any of you want to hear about it) so I’m hoping (praying) it’ll be completely gone by tomorrow night.

We’ll see.

Cross your fingers for me!

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Second run

Music: “Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me” -The Smiths

Mood: Just woken up; distraught.

Eating/Drinking: Orange juice and conversation hearts.

I ended up going to Tom’s yesterday instead of later this week. I’m not sure why. I said it was because there was going to be a huge winter storm – which, indeed, there is, and every school in the state is down for the count for the next two days – but I’m not sure if that’s the whole truth. I went home first under the guise of “freshening up”, which indeed I did… I cleaned my neck, intending to get rid of the morning’s applications of MX135 and IH (which are what I wear daily), and applied two sprays MX135 between the front and back of my neck, 4-6 sprays of IH between my hair, top of my head and back of my neck (not sure EXACTLY how much because I sprayed as I was walking, and added a few extra to make up for what didn’t get me as I walked). I covered it with about two drops of “fresh vanilla” oil from Bath&BodyWorks, whichis meant for home fragrance but because of its potency makes a long-lasting perfume that I find I like a lot. ^_^ I can’t say it’s an adequate substitute for Pink Sugar, but I’m still waiting on that to get here.

Tom and Drew picked me up about an hour after I got home and we headed back to Tom’s. Tom’s mom had cut Drew’s hair a bit to get it out of his eyes, and while it wasn’t that bad he thought it was horrific and vowed to escape the house and get it cut “secretly”. Tom and I started watching the movie, and his mom popped in to say she was running out for groceries, when I told Drew that now would be the best time for him to run out and get a haircut. He realized this, logged off WoW and ran out the door. Tom turned off all the lights, as he had when we watched V, and we assumed the same cuddliness as we had on Sunday. His arms were around me as we watched The Science of Sleep, and we were both exasperated at the fact that neither of us had ANY idea what we were watching.

He was all bloody over me though. Not in a bad way or anything. One of my hands was down on my hip because of how I was laying, and I’m pretty bloody sure he had a boner for 90% of the time we were watching the movie. Huzzah for Essence of Woman! ^_^ He kept adjusting himself and wouldn’t tell me why, distracting me with a hug or a stroke of my hair, so I didn’t bring any attention to it. Drew came home sometime in the middle of the movie, made another big fuss about his hair (which STILL looks fine), and sat down to play WoW again.

The thing that stands out to me about last night is I think Tom wanted a kiss. He sighed every couple minutes, and this coupled with the cuddling or his shifts to be closer to me or to rub my back or something… I noticed it then, but I was a little too chicken to do it, hoping that if he wanted one that he would go for it. Never did, though. But he was never NOT touching me, even when we were standing. He kept trying to tickle me, and since I am incredibly ticklish, it worked. O_o; I’m still questioning this playfulness, wondering if I can consider it flirting, but every time I moved his hand away from my stomach he moved it back and tickled me, and this went on for about half an hour. Every time I said, amid giggles, “No,” he would respond in a hushed whisper, very close to my ear, “Yes.” This was frustrating in a way because my neck is so sensitive, and if I can feel someone’s breath on it or know that their mouth is somewhere near it – which his was close – it drives me crazy.

Every twenty minutes or so, his stepfather would open the door, trying to “catch us in the act” or something, and every time he would ask, “Are you sure you’re not going out?” and I would say yes, to which he would respond “Bullshit!”, tell us where protection was, and close the door. Tom would laugh and say, “I hate my family” as soon as the door was shut, every time.

We stepped out of the room for a cigarette break at some point, and found Tom’s cell ringing. Tom answered and found that it was Matt, my original TargetGuy (the guy I was attempting to get, while testing out the affect of pheroes). He was in the driveway, intending on taking us out to Arby’s for something to eat because he was both bored and hungry. Tom and I got in the back seat, and I held one of Matt’s hands because it was bloody freezing. We got to Arby’s and sat down to eat, and Tom was outside for his cigarette, though at the window next to the booth which Matt, Drew and I were sitting at. I sat next to Matt and at some point I told him he had very nice hair. He does – he has thick, curly, chocolate-brown hair, and I wish I had a decent picture to show you – this’ll be my next objective! – because it’s to die for. Maybe you have to run your fingers through it to love it like I do, though. ^_^

Matt doesn’t like to touch people or be touched, but he’ll always give me hugs when I request them, and doesn’t seem to mind if I touch him, but I keep it to a minimum to make sure he’s not made uncomfortable. He’s never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, but he’s a complete and total sweetheart, probably the single nicest guy I’ve ever known. I looked him dead in the eyes and told him he has the nicest hair I’ve ever seen, and I raved about it for a little while, running my fingers through it. I think the IH brought this out, but he didn’t seem to mind at all, which is good.

We all went back to Tom’s house, and I convinced Matt to come in. He, Tom and I all wedged ourselves together on the little twin-sized bed. Matt laid down with his head at the bottom of the bed and put his foot up against the wall to show how flat his were. I left Tom’s side to join Matt, and put my foot on the wall as well, to show my high arches (which I despise). I found myself, minutes later, with my head on his shoulder, his arm around me and my hand on his chest, and Tom behind me with his hand on my waist, and I remember feeling terrible, but it’s only dawned on me now that I may have created a triangle for myself.

Matt left a little while later, gave me a goodbye hug, and I resumed cuddling with Tom, who still tried to tickle me and still managed to get close enough to my neck that I wasn’t sure whether I ought to back away or molest the kid. And I know he managed another woody, and this time I pointed it out. I said “It’s poking me.” He laughed, and Drew turned around from the computer with this horrified face… it was funny, if a little risque for my style.

I went home a little later, after almost falling asleep, and went straight off to bed.

I dreamt that I kissed Matt, though. That we were in Target or Walmart; it was the usual gang, me, Tom, Drew, a few other friends, and Matt. He was to my left, and I was looking at him, and I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I kissed him, and he didn’t resist. He looked at me, commented on how it was his first, and said something about how we’ll have a future together, getting married and having kids and all that. I want to find a double meaning in this somewhere, but I can only come up with two:

1) I’m getting that Matt is interested, or considering me at least

2) I’m scared that if I was to be with Matt, he would expect to marry and have kids with me.

Matt is a church kid, a total sweetheart, but he links dating with marriage and marriage with sex and sex with children – he will only date people he would consider for a wife, which is probably why he’s not had much luck with women up to this point. Matt would be an excellent boyfriend, I can’t stress that enough, but I admit I feel some trepidation at the thought of spending the entire rest of my life with one person. I’ve got a lot of living I want to do. I IMed him this morning and told him Happy Valentine’s Day, bought him a valentine at school, bought him lunch a few days before and refused to let him pay me back. We’re giving blood together at some point, and I hope I’m not coming on very strong, because I don’t mean to. I’m just trying to do nice things for the boy, because he is a fantastic friend to have, easily one of my best. I just don’t know whether it would be a good thing to try and elevate that, yet, though at some point, I really intended to, and sometimes I find myself very attracted to him. Sometimes.

Tom is a sweetheart when he wants to be. He was nowhere to be found in my dream. I just wonder if he expects anything out of me, because he hasn’t had too great a history of girlfriends and I know precisely what he’s gotten out of almost all of them. I do know, though, that he’s not the same prick he was in middle school. I don’t know. I really… I don’t know. T_T

I sat down at the computer feeling really distraught, and I’m pretty sure now that I’ve got a triangle to deal with. GG, Jessmo. What would Jin do in this situation?

I opened up a box of conversation hearts and the first two I pulled were “ILU” and “Be True”.

I’m trying here!

*pulls out hair*