Acquisition of a man. :P

Well, it seems I have acquired a man. O_o;

Since I’m here, and you’re here, and neither of us have any place to go, I might as well tell the story.

As best as I can remember it, anyway. It was in February. xD I’m editing this now in April.

Anyway.

The dilemma of the night was whether I should go out with Matt or Tom. Matt was going to buy me a ticket to a Sonic Youth concert, and Tom wanted to go to Hannibal Rising with Drew and his girlfriend of the moment. I really didn’t want to see Hannibal Rising, despite wanting to be with Tom, so I told Matt I’d come with him… only to be shot down at the last minute; no transportation or something similar. I got back to Tom, who said he would cover my eyes for the entire movie if needs be – I’m very squeamish – and I thought that was sweet in its own way so I ended up going to Hannibal Rising after all.

What did I wear now… *digs up the old thread* “3 drops EoW between neck/wrists, 4 sprays Instant Honesty to hair, a spritz of Pink Sugar.” Very tame, considering how much of my ‘pheros I’ve been wearing of late. Anyway! Back to the story!

We got into the theater and sat in the row in front of Drew and his woman, who threw popcorn at us from time to time. I spent 95% of the movie with Tom’s hand over my eyes or my head shoved in his neck, because the movie was… well.. gory. Disturbing. I didn’t like it at all. *shudder* Tom had his arm around me from the minute we sat down, and as time went on we were as cuddly as two people can get when they’ve got an armrest in between them. 🙂 He kept doing that thing he did when I was at his house to watch the Science Of Sleep – he would rest his cheek or forehead against my own and either sigh or say “Mmhmm?” to which I would respond with the same “mmhmm”, giggle a bit, and resume whatever I was doing.

Except my response to one of the routine, inside-joke-esque “mmhmm”s was not a giggle, it was a moment of temporary insanity in the form of kissing him on the cheek. 😛 It doesn’t sound like much, but in all honesty, I am shy as they come and I NEVER make the first move, so to this day I am pretty surprised with myself. In truth, I think I subconsciously got a little tired of waiting for him to make the first move and just acted without really thinking. But after this chaste kiss on the cheek, he chuckled a bit, and proceeded to kiss me.

We went home as soon as the movie was over – back to his place, anyway, where we picked up where we left off in the theater. At some point, I drew back and said, still a little shocked, “It wasn’t supposed to turn out this way.” He asked what I meant, and I said “I was supposed to go to the movie, cry, pee my pants in fear and then just go back home.” I wasn’t upset, just confused. Still bewildered. He smiled, and said, “I like this way better.”

A little while later, he was cuddling with me and told one of his infamous stories. “I’m going to tell you a story. There was this little German boy. And he was kind of sitting around with this beautiful girl, just chilling. And you know, he loves her.”

🙂

The next night, on my birthday, Matt, Tom, a few friends and myself went out in celebration of said birthday. We drove out to IHOP, far far away from where we live, and once inside, Tom left the table for a cigarette. A friend who was there, Tim, asked, “What’s going on with you and Tom?”

And to be honest, I had no idea, so I said exactly that. I explained the situation to him, and he was like “I’ll ask for you if you like.” I thanked him, because the random kissing but no official action taken toward becoming a couple had been bugging me.

Rest of the night was fine. We went home, and at midnight-something on February 17th, Tom said “Do I need to ask or is that a given?” He asked, I said yes, and that, folks, is how I acquired my current boyfriend.

Hooray!

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No reason to, eh?

Brea: i have a fear of rejection
Myself: so do I xD
Brea: you have no reason to

🙂

Happy V-Day!

Tom has been wanting to pick me up all day today, but the roads have been terrible. We got hit by a lovely nor’easter and cars are sliding all over the roads. I hope there’ll be no school tomorrow though… I haven’t done any of my art projects. x3

I was feeding the kittens and sliced my finger open on the can. It bled for two and a half hours straight. (And I’m giving blood on Tuesday. Oi vey…) I drove off to the emergency room only to find that I didn’t need stitches after waiting for about another hour and a half. I did, however, find myself due for a tetanus shot. I fucking hate needles. *shudder* Maybe it’s not such a good idea for me to give blood…

I wasn’t wearing anything underneath my hoodie and I’m a pussy so I had to worm my arm out of the collar. It ripped just past the end of my bra. Convenient, no? Karma’s a perv.

I came home and found Tom had left me an IM. “Just leaving you something to come back to. Hope the stitches don’t hurt.” I thought it was sweet. He asked me to be his valentine a few seconds later, and I had to “aww” at that as well. The kid’s a darling.

I find myself nearing the end of Valentine’s Day ’07 with a split up finger, three valentines (though only one of them officially asked me ^_~), a hospital bracelet far too tight on my wrist, a ripped hoodie and a tetanus shot.

Huzzah!

Second run

Music: “Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me” -The Smiths

Mood: Just woken up; distraught.

Eating/Drinking: Orange juice and conversation hearts.

I ended up going to Tom’s yesterday instead of later this week. I’m not sure why. I said it was because there was going to be a huge winter storm – which, indeed, there is, and every school in the state is down for the count for the next two days – but I’m not sure if that’s the whole truth. I went home first under the guise of “freshening up”, which indeed I did… I cleaned my neck, intending to get rid of the morning’s applications of MX135 and IH (which are what I wear daily), and applied two sprays MX135 between the front and back of my neck, 4-6 sprays of IH between my hair, top of my head and back of my neck (not sure EXACTLY how much because I sprayed as I was walking, and added a few extra to make up for what didn’t get me as I walked). I covered it with about two drops of “fresh vanilla” oil from Bath&BodyWorks, whichis meant for home fragrance but because of its potency makes a long-lasting perfume that I find I like a lot. ^_^ I can’t say it’s an adequate substitute for Pink Sugar, but I’m still waiting on that to get here.

Tom and Drew picked me up about an hour after I got home and we headed back to Tom’s. Tom’s mom had cut Drew’s hair a bit to get it out of his eyes, and while it wasn’t that bad he thought it was horrific and vowed to escape the house and get it cut “secretly”. Tom and I started watching the movie, and his mom popped in to say she was running out for groceries, when I told Drew that now would be the best time for him to run out and get a haircut. He realized this, logged off WoW and ran out the door. Tom turned off all the lights, as he had when we watched V, and we assumed the same cuddliness as we had on Sunday. His arms were around me as we watched The Science of Sleep, and we were both exasperated at the fact that neither of us had ANY idea what we were watching.

He was all bloody over me though. Not in a bad way or anything. One of my hands was down on my hip because of how I was laying, and I’m pretty bloody sure he had a boner for 90% of the time we were watching the movie. Huzzah for Essence of Woman! ^_^ He kept adjusting himself and wouldn’t tell me why, distracting me with a hug or a stroke of my hair, so I didn’t bring any attention to it. Drew came home sometime in the middle of the movie, made another big fuss about his hair (which STILL looks fine), and sat down to play WoW again.

The thing that stands out to me about last night is I think Tom wanted a kiss. He sighed every couple minutes, and this coupled with the cuddling or his shifts to be closer to me or to rub my back or something… I noticed it then, but I was a little too chicken to do it, hoping that if he wanted one that he would go for it. Never did, though. But he was never NOT touching me, even when we were standing. He kept trying to tickle me, and since I am incredibly ticklish, it worked. O_o; I’m still questioning this playfulness, wondering if I can consider it flirting, but every time I moved his hand away from my stomach he moved it back and tickled me, and this went on for about half an hour. Every time I said, amid giggles, “No,” he would respond in a hushed whisper, very close to my ear, “Yes.” This was frustrating in a way because my neck is so sensitive, and if I can feel someone’s breath on it or know that their mouth is somewhere near it – which his was close – it drives me crazy.

Every twenty minutes or so, his stepfather would open the door, trying to “catch us in the act” or something, and every time he would ask, “Are you sure you’re not going out?” and I would say yes, to which he would respond “Bullshit!”, tell us where protection was, and close the door. Tom would laugh and say, “I hate my family” as soon as the door was shut, every time.

We stepped out of the room for a cigarette break at some point, and found Tom’s cell ringing. Tom answered and found that it was Matt, my original TargetGuy (the guy I was attempting to get, while testing out the affect of pheroes). He was in the driveway, intending on taking us out to Arby’s for something to eat because he was both bored and hungry. Tom and I got in the back seat, and I held one of Matt’s hands because it was bloody freezing. We got to Arby’s and sat down to eat, and Tom was outside for his cigarette, though at the window next to the booth which Matt, Drew and I were sitting at. I sat next to Matt and at some point I told him he had very nice hair. He does – he has thick, curly, chocolate-brown hair, and I wish I had a decent picture to show you – this’ll be my next objective! – because it’s to die for. Maybe you have to run your fingers through it to love it like I do, though. ^_^

Matt doesn’t like to touch people or be touched, but he’ll always give me hugs when I request them, and doesn’t seem to mind if I touch him, but I keep it to a minimum to make sure he’s not made uncomfortable. He’s never had a girlfriend, never been kissed, but he’s a complete and total sweetheart, probably the single nicest guy I’ve ever known. I looked him dead in the eyes and told him he has the nicest hair I’ve ever seen, and I raved about it for a little while, running my fingers through it. I think the IH brought this out, but he didn’t seem to mind at all, which is good.

We all went back to Tom’s house, and I convinced Matt to come in. He, Tom and I all wedged ourselves together on the little twin-sized bed. Matt laid down with his head at the bottom of the bed and put his foot up against the wall to show how flat his were. I left Tom’s side to join Matt, and put my foot on the wall as well, to show my high arches (which I despise). I found myself, minutes later, with my head on his shoulder, his arm around me and my hand on his chest, and Tom behind me with his hand on my waist, and I remember feeling terrible, but it’s only dawned on me now that I may have created a triangle for myself.

Matt left a little while later, gave me a goodbye hug, and I resumed cuddling with Tom, who still tried to tickle me and still managed to get close enough to my neck that I wasn’t sure whether I ought to back away or molest the kid. And I know he managed another woody, and this time I pointed it out. I said “It’s poking me.” He laughed, and Drew turned around from the computer with this horrified face… it was funny, if a little risque for my style.

I went home a little later, after almost falling asleep, and went straight off to bed.

I dreamt that I kissed Matt, though. That we were in Target or Walmart; it was the usual gang, me, Tom, Drew, a few other friends, and Matt. He was to my left, and I was looking at him, and I don’t remember what we were talking about, but I kissed him, and he didn’t resist. He looked at me, commented on how it was his first, and said something about how we’ll have a future together, getting married and having kids and all that. I want to find a double meaning in this somewhere, but I can only come up with two:

1) I’m getting that Matt is interested, or considering me at least

2) I’m scared that if I was to be with Matt, he would expect to marry and have kids with me.

Matt is a church kid, a total sweetheart, but he links dating with marriage and marriage with sex and sex with children – he will only date people he would consider for a wife, which is probably why he’s not had much luck with women up to this point. Matt would be an excellent boyfriend, I can’t stress that enough, but I admit I feel some trepidation at the thought of spending the entire rest of my life with one person. I’ve got a lot of living I want to do. I IMed him this morning and told him Happy Valentine’s Day, bought him a valentine at school, bought him lunch a few days before and refused to let him pay me back. We’re giving blood together at some point, and I hope I’m not coming on very strong, because I don’t mean to. I’m just trying to do nice things for the boy, because he is a fantastic friend to have, easily one of my best. I just don’t know whether it would be a good thing to try and elevate that, yet, though at some point, I really intended to, and sometimes I find myself very attracted to him. Sometimes.

Tom is a sweetheart when he wants to be. He was nowhere to be found in my dream. I just wonder if he expects anything out of me, because he hasn’t had too great a history of girlfriends and I know precisely what he’s gotten out of almost all of them. I do know, though, that he’s not the same prick he was in middle school. I don’t know. I really… I don’t know. T_T

I sat down at the computer feeling really distraught, and I’m pretty sure now that I’ve got a triangle to deal with. GG, Jessmo. What would Jin do in this situation?

I opened up a box of conversation hearts and the first two I pulled were “ILU” and “Be True”.

I’m trying here!

*pulls out hair*

First post!

I’m not going to do that whole introductory thing. No, I’m far too lazy for that, and it ain’t my style, so I’m plopping you straight in the middle of what is me. At the moment, I’m a phero-junkie. Tomorrow night I am placing a 150-dollar Androtics order. I’m buying EST, TAH and another vial of MX135.

I already have something of an arsenal, boasting the following:

MX135. This is my favorite, in tandem with IH (below). It tends to make me a bit giggly, but it thrusts me out of my shell without me even realizing it, and I like that.

Instant Honesty. It’s like a truth serum, and I swear by it. I wear it now because it’s elicited affectionate responses from a few close friends in the recent past, but good lord, the feeling of intimacy it evokes is mindblowing. Second favorite product.

MX136, MX137, MX138, MX139. Haven’t tried them yet. I will when I get around to it. ^_~

MX140. I like it, but I should up the dosage, I think. It improves on my mood but I’m not getting what the others at the pherotalk forums are getting.

TAH. I noticed a subtle change in the way people respond to me, and it was definitely worth looking into – only it smells like rotten bananas because I ordered the unscented version, and I had to use 17 sprays to get to the reccomended dosage. Blech. A 10mcg version is in tomorrow’s order as well.

Instant Shine. I bought a vial of this, and it didn’t affect me at all, which made me very disappointed… however, it sure as hell affected everyone else. Everyone I was with was smiley and shiny, which is what the product was supposed to do for ME!

Essence of Woman. Dear lord, I don’t think I will ever be without this, but I have yet to see what it can really do… *wink wink* It’s pure copulins. You look that up on pherotalk yourself, baby.

EST. It’s short for some huge long name I have no hope of knowing how to spell, let alone pronounce, and I’m rather good at spelling. A reputable woman on the forums said it was a “cuddly” phero to the max, and we all now how cuddly I am (well. you don’t know yet, since this is my first post, darlings.) so I had to place an order. I splurged. 90 bucks a bottle, but I’ll send it back if it doesn’t work out. Androtics gives refunds!

I admit I got this wordpress largely to document my various obsessions as I come across them, and thus I must also admit that I’m currently enthralled by these pheromones and have been experimenting on my friends. A few of them knew about Instant Shine, but only my cousin Fawn knows about the others. Oh, and you now. Grats!

I’ll link to my posts on the forums for a sec, so I don’t have to retype my most notable recent experiences with the stuffs:

MX135 Rant

IH and IS Rant

Yeah. I was a skeptic when I bought my first package, IH and IS, but darlings, I was sold after wearing them out a few nights.

My most recent experience, which I haven’t detailed on the forums, is with said Punk, better known as Tom. I censor his name on the forums. Dear god, I don’t want my mates to find out I’ve been testing my pheroes on them! ^^;;

He invited me over on Sunday so that he and I could watch V for Vendetta. I’d never seen it before, and he thought it blasphemy, so I ventured over to watch it. Drew (who moved in with him about a week ago after being kicked out of his own house) was out with his girlfriend, so it was Tom and I alone. I wore MX135 out to a family dinner at about 2 o’clock on this Sunday, and right before I went to Tom’s, I figured… why not meddle with things? Three drops of Essence of Woman (ho ho!) and a few sprays of Instant Honesty with another spray of MX135 for good measure.

I got to his place about six, fifteen minutes after I’d applied all the new pheroes, and he welcomed me with open arms as he usually does. We ended up watching V in his room, lights off, lying on his bed because there was nowhere else to go. Given the EoW I was wearing, I would have expected things to turn primal, but we cuddled. A lot. He was very nice about it, but very confident; he didn’t hesitate to make any of his moves, which came off to me as very smooth, and charming. He did everything like he knew I wouldn’t have a problem with it, a slightly dominant overtone that, well, I adore. It might be hard for me to explain, but I’ll attempt again, with examples this time!

We lie down the first time, on his twin bed seeing as he removed the chairs from his room so Drew could have space to sleep. He puts his head on my shoulder for a little while, but I shift, and put my head on his. He leans his head on mine, strokes my hair once or twice. Randomly he whispers to me, “Cigarette break?”

I follow him down into his basement, where he smokes. Once he’s done with his cigarette, we return to his room, and as the both of us are lying down again, he wraps both arms around me. The thing that gets to me is he didn’t look at me with that “Is this okay?” glint in his eye, he didn’t ask, he just did it, and it was done in a way that wasn’t sexual or anything. Romantic, definitely. Not sexual. Charming.

As the movie progresses, my head is on his chest, and he strokes my hair a little. But instead of stopping at my shoulder, he continues down to my elbow, and holds it for a minute. Whenever I nuzzle against him, even if I’m just adjusting myself so I’m more comfortable, he does this. Whenever he shifts, he puts his free hand – the arm that’s not around me, on my side-slash-back – on his chest, next to my arm, and always makes sure to brush it with the tips of his fingers.

When the movie is over, he turns onto his side and wraps both his arms around me again. He puts his leg over mine a little, and I curl up against him, because dear god, I am the cuddliest person alive. He turns on his TV and comments that Office Space is on, and I say I’ve never seen it. It’s odd, because everything he says is whispered to me, gently, and I whisper back; even when we laugh it’s hushed and strangely intimate. It was one hell of an experience and I think the pheroes had a lot to do with it. I’m buying EST and heading back over there soon for a showing of “Science of Sleep”. I don’t think Drew will be around for that either.

😉

I’m placing the order tomorrow, so with luck I’ll get it before my birthday on Friday. I’ll be back with my results.